Examined Lives

Five top life lessons learned by travelling

I'm back from our month-long adventure in China and Tibet, and I must say -- if there's anything you can do to give your soul and mind a good shaking and airing out, it's travel. Ditch the self-help books, step classes and yoga. A generous trip shakes you out of your daily rut, gets you physically on track and strips your chaotic mind to bare essentials (food, bed and amusements). Plus, it generates family bonds and memories like nothing else.

But this post isn't about those big lessons learned.  Rather, I'm dishing out other odd bits of know-how garnered along the way, as my brain is too jet-lagged to sum up anything important. Here, instead, are the top five oddball nuggets of great travel lessons I picked up en route:

1. Reading is one of the very best ways to engage and still your mind. Books keep you sane and amused,unlike frenetic T.V., which makes you crazy. I brought three huge tomes on my trip, including the fact-laden Collapse by Jared Diamond, about how societies annihilate themselves by abusing their natural environments (One scary read, I might add, and one which made me keep my souvenir purchasing to the minimum.  I'll review soon.).  I read them all. I feel calmer and, well, whole again. I can talk somewhat knowledgeably about important topics. I don't have annoying jingles running through my mind. Looking forward to Mad Men on Sunday, but other than that, I'll pass on the tube.

2. The results are finally, indubitably in: Carbs make you fat. I'm sorry. It's true. A month limited to small amounts of white rice (of which I quickly tired, and skipped) and without alcohol = a weight loss of seven pounds. Came home and had two glasses of wine and a few bites of bread and, Presto!  a pound gained by morning. 

3. Whoever invented ripstop nylon is a genius, and items made with it are by far and most wearable and sink-washable travel items available. I wish they made cute dresses out of it, though.

4. Getting up at 5 a.m. and sleeping at 9 p.m., as dictated by gradually lessening jet lag, is actually a great time table for humans.  You can make the most of those still, serene wee morning hours -- and natural daylight -- and are able to cut out the late-night frippery of noshing and that dastardly t.v.

5. Kids are malleable little creatures and can adapt to most anything over time. Sure, there will be whining and such, but eventually, realizing that choices are limited, they'll eat what parents say to and sleep when we tell them to. Come to think of it, we adults are malleable, too. There is so little that we are actually tethered to, in terms of habits, preconceptions and accoutriment. We can fly, and be free. Give it a try -- break on through to the other side!

~BurbMom

Photo: Happy Tibetan horseman.

Where is the world is BurbMom?

Here. I'm here. As in the photo below. In Tibet, on the top of the world, as it were. This is why my posts have been so relatively sparse; hopefully their lucidity compensates some.

I'm writing this pre-trip, so I can't tell you what it's really like in Tibet yet. I promise I will when I return.  I hear it's the kind of place upon which people superimpose their own unique presuppositions and conceptions, hence very hard to describe for all. For me the place has a lure of otherworldly spirituality, and mind boggling beauty. For The Dude it's just exotic. For the kids, as yet it's just a name of a place, nothing more. I hope they'll form impressions at their tender age that will last a lifetime.  

All I can tell you is I've been wanting to visit for decades. The place is just darned hard to get to, not so much because it's inaccessible any more but because there are various barriers of approvals and price to hurdle. Thankfully we found a bunch of very kind and cheerful local Tibetans to hire as travel agents and tour guides. Hopefully, we will have made it by the time you read this, and I'll fill you in when we get back.

~BurbMom

Was Holly Golightly just a big fraud?

When we meet Holly Golightly, in the movie Breakfast at Tiffanys, she's the epitome of big city glam; a free spirit; living in the Village with only a few fabulous black dresses, pearls and a cat; an experienced player of the high life and connoisseur of society manners. Who is more elegant, more delightful, than this character as Audrey Hepburn plays her?  She has it all, according to our modern standards.  First, she's thin.  She knows how to dress well, in a minute and on a tight budget. She knows a good coat and nice shoes are all you really need to pull off a look. Perfection!

Yet, as her love interest ruefully discovers later, this gal is really a former child bride, a country bumpkin from the hills of some hardscrabble rural area, married at 14 to some farmer to help him raise his eight kids from his first marriage.  She probably doesn't even have her real teeth.

I bet there are lots of folks these days who would call Holly out as a fake, as not being true to her roots, and completely disregard her inspiring message. (I'm talking about the movie version here, not the protagonist of Truman Capote's book.)  She sure ain't the salt-of-the-earth type we love to praise.  But what's so wrong about seeing a different vision -- about fleeing what we are?  Or, rather, what we were born to be without making some radical changes.  What's so wrong about creating ourselves from scratch?  Who are we, anyway? Certainly our personalities are mutable; as Edgar Allan Poe said, "All that we see or seem is just a dream within a dream."

I tried to pull a Holly, lighting out for the city just as soon as I finished a stint abroad after graduation. I had thoughts of total reinvention, with far less successful results. Perhaps I had a certain idealized movie version of the city in my mind, and I still do, though I sure couldn't afford to live in that Village studio (did score a nice garden walk-up in Chelsea, and not one but two brownstones). 

I do, however, have racks of pencil skirts, trench coats and kitten-heeled shoes posing artfully in my closet, barely worn as I tromp from duty to duty in suburbia. Am I a fake for buying them? Or is the me who shows up at school pick-up in cargo pants and Teva's a fake?

And if Holly's a fraud, what does that make of some of our best and boldest, who dared to shake up their lives and break the mold -- Einstein; Newton; Picasso; Joyce?  Would that we all stayed true to that ideal version of ourselves that we hold in our mind's eye.

~BurbMom

Et tu, Scarlett?

I've always thought of Scarlett Johansson as a gorgeous actress who truly seemed comfortable with her body. As bodies go, she's strictly va-va-voom. (I can only wish I had a chest like hers.) 

Or at least, was. According to Page Six and Defamer.com, she showed up at a recent shindig flaunting a slimmed-down physique. 

Yes, it's for a role. Scarlett has had plenty of roles, though, and none of them requiring such a change. She looks good either way, but there's something a little sad about her becoming just like every other Hollywood type and getting on the dieting bandwagon. Especially when she has never been an unhealthy weight. 

One can hope she'll go back to being the curvy, comfy-to-be-curvy girl she's been all these years. Stop the madness!

—CityMom

(Photo from Defamer.com.)

When I grow old I shall wear purple ...

I like to think I am one of those women who will go gently into the good old folks home. That I would embrace aging and feel comfortable with every single line that creases my face.

WRONG!

Well, actually, I was doing quite well with being 37, until I got my hair cut a few weeks ago. I was feeling pretty virtuous, having decided with my oldest to lop off our locks and donate them. But cutting mine would mean ending up with a bob, hairstyle I haven't worn since, well, grad school (or shortly thereafter).  But hey, it's for a good cause, it's summer, change is good, blah blah blah, so why not.

The stylist assigned me was gorgeous and, it has to be said, young. As in in her early-twenties-and-she-can-get-away-with-skipping-the-moisturizer young. I should've known trouble lay ahead when she seemed bored by my angsting over the actual cut as I explained how many inches I needed to donate. (I guess wisdom doesn't come with age.)

After my explanation, this is what she could muster: "It's fine. Older women look better with short hair, anyway." It was stealth, that line, made even worse by her nonchalance and total lack of awareness. I said nothing. Not even when she repeated it again while she was admiring her handiwork. I forked over my $50 for the cut and walked home feeling vaguely insulted. And I had been!

I realize she's probably calling it as she sees it, but still. I'm 37, for f-ing sake. Not 77. And even then, does she really have to be so rude? To be honest, though, what she said stung. For days. It still smarts.

Still, I wouldn't trade my late-thirties for her twenties. I was so insecure, so unsure, so uncomfortable in my own skin, so, well, young. Who'd want to go back to that? In the meantime, I'm on the hunt for a red hat (which doesn't go and doesn't suit me). And a new stylist.

—CityMom

Priceless gems of weight loss wisdom

When I put on my bathing suit last weekend, I discovered I had back flab unlike any I'd seen since my ninth month of pregnancy. Time for me to unfurl my relatively easy, no-fail, slim by summer golden rules and get on track. See, after years of reading books and articles about nutrition, and contributing to the genre a bit myself, I have extracted what I think isa really sound set of weight loss/maintenance rules. These may not work for all of us, but they helped me to lose 18 pounds post-baby. And you can eat this way forever, really.

Friends have been asking me to spill my secrets, so here they are for public consumption, so to speak. They're nothing new. A little bit of Mediterranean diet, the French/Japanese don't get fat stuff, a few research papers. There's no irksome meal planning or calorie counting. You can drink! It's not even a diet, and I don't think you'll get disordered eating from it. Here we go:

1. Snub sugar.  I don't mean the occasional sweet. I mean curb addictive stuff, like when I had to eat two chocolate-covered cherries every damn day. Sugar's a simple carb that does nothing for you nutritionally, yummy as it is, so indulge infrequently. Watch for corn syrups lurking on yogurt, bread, spaghetti sauce and the like, too.

2. Avoid refined starches. White bread, crackers, fried potatoes, white rice. Get your carbs from whole grain, flax seed, oatmeal, brown rice, barley, spelt. Of course, you'll want pizza or a burrito from time to time.  Enjoy it.  Tomorrow is another day.

3. Deep six deep-fried foods.  Break this baby only if you are at a restaurant and really want something special, like crab cakes or a battered item.

4. No eating after dinner. Try to eat your last meal after 6:30 p.m. and simply do not eat after. There's no science backing this, but it's a clear but way to cut consumption and avoid snacking.

5.For one meal a day, have the knockout salad. Start with a few handfuls of dark greens — arugula, spinach, mache, watercress — plus a healthy 1/4 or so cup of nuts. For some reason scientists don't yet understand, people who eat nuts are slimmer than those who don't. Walnuts are full of healthy omega-3 fatty acids, but you can use what you have, as long as they're not salted. Add tomatoes, if you like, and celery or cucumbers; maybe a hard cheese like Parmesan, shaved; lean protein if you're a meat eater, like chicken, tuna or boiled eggs, to give the meal some staying power. Plus, you'll be getting your R.D.A. of veggies in one go.

Throw in some avocado, olives or anchovies, perhaps, for some satisfying but healthy fat, and sprinkle the lot with olive oil and vinegar or lemon juice. Have a slice of whole-grain bread on the side if you need it.

6. Weigh yourself every day. At least one study shows that people who weigh themselves every day weigh five to eight pounds less than those who don't. Don't give me that bit about not being hung up on numbers or waiting until your pants get tight. Clothing gives. Scales don't. If you see your weight creeping up and staying up, it's time to cut back on cheats.

7. Eat a little grapefruit before meals, or incorporate it into your meal. One study showed that people who ate grapefruit with or before a meal lost weight without doing anything else. Other animal studies suggest there's some fat-blocking nutrient in the fruit.  Seriously. Similar claims have been made for vinegar or lemon in warm water, and hey, they're all worth a try.

8. If you need a snack, go for protein or legumesto keep your metabolism revved. Choose olives with a hunk of hard cheese, or raw carrots with organic ranch dressing, or whole-grain chips with salsa, or edemame (soy beans in the shell). (Sources tell me that French women just have a shot of espresso when they feel hungry. It does work in a pinch to suppress appetite.)

9. When you're 80 percent full, get up from the table. You'll feel satiated when your digestion catches up.  It's a Japanese thing, and they're just about the healthiest, slimmest folks out there.

I'm a reductionist kind of gal, and boiling it down like this makes it all so much more palatable, don't you think? If you want to lose weight faster, cut back portions. Reduce your intake of milk, meat or cheese. Restrict alcohol to weekends (ouch!).  If you give these a whirl and they work, let me know.  I'd love to hear some of your best tips, too.

—BurbMom

The all-season wardrobe

I'm all atwitter after reading a piece in the New York Times last weekend about the heinous yearly chore of closet-switching.  You know, chunky wools out, silk skirts in, and visa versa.

I did away with that years ago by developing a system of all-season colors, fabrics (knit and stretch) and layering.  My entire wardrobe, excepting workout gear, a parka and one dressy Chinese silk jacket, is in a seven-foot-long closet with one rack and a five-drawer narrow plastic insert from the Container Store. Here are the components of the Wonder Wardrobe for those who desire a similarly pared-down aesthetic and freedom from closet-changing.

Tees: Three 3/4-sleeve in neutral colors, five short sleeve, and three camisoles. Most snug for layering. Two black polos, one short-sleeve. You have to find a durable brand you like for all these, which is tough, though. I'll get to that in another post.

Shirts: Stretch cotton shirts in white, black and navy, and one print.  Most of mine are 3/4 sleeve; I have one black long-sleeve with some fancy ruching and one with a big portrait collar for dinners out. A nice short-sleeve silk blouse or two, for summer.

Sweaters: A few cotton, cotton/silk and cashmere cardigans, in neutral shades except for one bright, and one heavier weight cashmere v-neck.  A zip-up hoodie for housewear. The J.Crew cardigan pictured here is flattering and hardy.

Skirts: Stretch gabardine, black, two shapes: Pencil and trumpet hem. Stretch cotton skirts, pencil, in navy and cream. One lightweight stretch cotton A-line.

Outerwear:  One lined trench in dark neutral, one lined trench in a light color, one wool or cashmere dressy winter coat, one rain jacket, one denim jacket, one parka or short winter coat. I'm obsessed with trenches, admittedly. That Emily Katz recycled denim coat pictured at top is particularly fetching. 

Dresses: I have two silk dresses in neutral shades for weddings and a few cotton ones for everyday wear -- poplin and jersey. I have one sleeveless poly sheath, black, from BCBG that I have had for eight years and worn dozens of times, sometimes paired with the dressy Chinese jacket.

Pants: Black stretch gabardine, black stretch cotton sateen, black wool.  Four pairs of jeans: Two black (one wide-bottom), denim and white. I may give away the denim soon. Only 5% of adults actually look good in denim jeans, and I'm not among them. Oh, and two pairs of black capri yoga pants for home wear.

Shorts: Three pairs. Black, white and beige-striped knee-length stretch cotton.

Shoes (in a hanging bag on the back of a closet door): Again, I stick with neutrals, mainly black.  One pair of high-heel pumps, one pair low.  Pair ballet flats. Strappy summer sandals casual, and strappy dressy.  Black boots casual, preferably water resistant; black boots dressy with heel, black boots dressy and low.

Accessories: Two silk scarves; one black Kelly-ish handbag, leather; one straw tote for summer; one black satin clutch; one Tumi messenger/manbag for daily wear and travel.

Shopping:  I must stress this again — don't buy too much!  Buy carefully and aim for lasting quality. Those orderly closets we love to salivate over in Real Simple? Count the number of items in them. Even fewer than in mine, seen at left. Can we mere mortals achieve this without serious streamlining?

Wear cheaper stuff out, so it's ready for recycling at the end of a season.  Kids are especially good at this, if left to it; you should ideally have but a few hand-me-downs at the end of a season. The author of the Times article mentioned "piles of summer shirts." No wonder she's a slave to them.

The stuff you own should serve you, not the other way around.

—BurbMom