Examined Lives

Sleazy, Easy Marriage Tips

Not to get stuck on this marriage topic, but I've been married for 17 years as of yesterday.  Seventeen!  It's incredible.

Not that I'm an authority on marriage, but I've made it this far, and things have generally been swell. I think The Dude will agree.  (Being averse to the work, energy and money that a divorce would entail helps, no doubt.)  At least I'm not fleeing the home with a U-haul.

So I'm going to throw out a few Happy Marriage tips I've learned along the way, for what it's worth, keeping in mind that like the spongy part of a lemon meringue pie, no two marriages are alike.

Don't forget the coffee in bed.  Or tea, or martini, or whatever little treat your partner likes. Dispense it every day. However minor, it says, 'I'm here. I"m hangin' in."  These little things go a long, long way.

Don't let her or him see you getting ready to go out. I heard The Dude tell someone that watching a woman get ready for a party was like watching a cow get slaughtered before eating the resulting ground beef.  Coarse, but you have to admit it makes sense. I like to get all dood-ed up alone, and then burst out of the bathroom with a loud, "Ta-Da!" It lets him know you've made some effort, and you'll get a compliment, too.

Shut the bathroom door. Along the same lines.  Familiarity breeds contempt. 

Ask for an opinion, even if you intend to do what the hell you want anyway. Especially if it's about a sport you intend to take up.  Or money you intend to spend. People love to be consulted. (Hey, I said these tips were sleazy.)

Keep 'em off guard. Do something totally surprising, just when you think he thinks he knows you. Cut your hair, learn a language or take up woodworking. 

Treat marriage like a religion. I'm throwing this in because marriage isn't available to all couples, and because I think it's a wholly religious/spiritual idea that has no place as a civil institution, and it's thinking about it that way that gets us in trouble. So get all gooey and lovey and spiritual with your partner, and often. Guardians, wills, car loans -- that stuff demands paperwork.  Marriage is more ephemeral. It demands daily worship, not town hall.

~BurbMom

Easy, sleazy (and cheap) wardrobe tips

I've already dished about why and how to keep an all-season wardrobe, particularly if you have limited storage space. Today, because you are all so kind, I'm going to make you privy to my very best Spring clothing tricks. These are so effective, cheap and simple I almost hate to reveal them, but I got many of the ideas from my groovy and elegant friend P., so I figure I should share the love for good karma.

Plus, I hate seeing us women being suckered into vapid what-to-wear t.v. shows and poring over ridiculous glossy mags that have absolutely no relevance to our daily lives. Let's stop being suckers and simply look great. We'll cut back on consuming and use our saved bucks for African safaris.

Here's the strategy, and it's simple:  Buy one or two of each of these items.  

A great little dress. Simple in the extreme, usually flattering and so damn easy. It's a wonder women wear anything else. I hardly do anymore, actually.  For work, I buy them in wool or stretch cotton, perhaps paired with a cardigan.  I keep a pair of pumps in my desk and wear sneaker-like flats (see below) on the train to and fro. Our First Lady, as you may have noticed, favors this dress/uniform strategy as well.

Hanging around, I buy empire-waisted cotton jersey.  I even bought a dress to wear golfing, because those knee-length skorts or shorts make me look even pudgier than I am. I tend to go with dark colors, which don't show the dirt. On the other hand, prints like the one at right help camouflage the occasional pot belly.

Also, dresses are literally almost always cheaper than other clothing options. The reason fashion mags keep declaring dresses are dead, but women keep buying them, is because you can look great in a nifty summer shift for $30 or less. It's hard to put together a comparable ensemble of skirt/pants and blouse for that money. 

A knee-length trench.  Not one with a hood, because who needs more bulk? Yet one with a belted waist. You can throw that sucker on over a t-shirt and running shorts, if, for example, you have forgotten about the First Grade Art Show and need to look fabulously parental in a jiffy. Even designer Kate Spade has said, "I have worn trenches all day, every day, like a shirt, just over a bra! You never take it off."

Spade makes darling trenches, but there's no need to shell out the many hundreds of dollars one of hers will cost for an everyday-wear trench. Troll your local T.J. Maxx, or hop on over to Target to buy a great coat for only $24.49. You'll never have to wear sweats to pick up the kids again!

Pull that belt a little tighter if you've put on some weight to create the illusion of a waist.  Hair undone?  Throw on a saucy little hat.  Finish with some easy flats or wedges. Which leads me to...

A pair of sneaker-flats. Get some ballet-ish flats, easy available from Aerosoles, Easy Spirit, Cole Haan or Geox, among others, with a rubber sole and some cushion to them. They'll take you comfortably through the entire day, from yoga to wine tasting (or gulping), and will go with your cheap little dresses.

~BurbMom

Photo: Riviera dress from Boden, $88.20

My best sleazy, easy kitchen tips

This is not (obviously) a cooking blog, but because it's Thursday night and I'm getting into a weekend mentality, and because I'm a lazy cook and dinner is weighing on my mind, I thought you would appreciate some of my best sleazy, easy kitchen tips.

You won't find these in Good Housekeeping, or even on Rachel Ray, and I sure as hell hope you never find out who I am, because you'll never come to dinner.

Here we go.  Enjoy.

1.  You can cook just about anything in a cast-iron wok.  Slap in a few burgers. Whip up one of those Italian meal-in-a-bag things. Plonk a big-ass pancake in the bottom.  Eggs. Pop corn -- the thing is unbelievable at that.  Seriously, you'll never grab one of those bag o'microwaved chemicals again; the wok gets every kernel, and with a minimum of oil. 

Why a wok, you ask?  Well, stuff can't splatter out of it as easily, so you don't have to clean the stove.  Also, you just rinse it with hot water, wipe it out, and wham, it's clean, and ready to make oatmeal. And yes, it's a great heat conductor.

2. If you're constantly pissed off by little jars of spices falling everywhere, like I am, you'll be glad to know the bottom half of a kid's shoe box is a great place to store the dastardly bottles. They stay upright; you can put a bit of masking tape with the spice name on top for easy viewing. I even use different shoe boxes for the various ethnic fare we're all supposed to be able to master these days:  Indian, Italian, Chinese. I can fit the entire U.N. on a Lazy Susan.

3. For just about every festive occasion there is, trot out this variation on Bellinis. (They're supposed to be made with peach puree, which is why this is a cheat.) All you need is a coupla bottles of cheap sparkling wine -- honestly, the cheaper the better with these, for some reason -- chopped strawberries, and a blender. Blend the berries, add -- slowly, slowly! -- the bubbly, stir, and serve.  People are just blown away by this, including moi. You can even get away with using plastic cups. You can use frozen strawberries. Don't add the wine too quickly, though, or the entire concoction will explode. Ask me how I know.

4.  If you rinse fresh but wilted vegetables with warm water, they perk right up.

5.  Package of salad greens (that means greens, not iceburg).  Package of bleu cheese crumbles.  Handful of walnut pieces.  Handful of dried cherries/cranberries/whatever.  Raspberry or blush wine or any kind of pre-made fruity dressing.  Mix.  People will talk about this salad forever, and you'll be known as The Person Who Makes Fabulous Salads. I'm not kidding; you'll be asked to bring this to every dinner thereafter, maybe with the stuff to make the fake Bellinis. You're set for life.

~BurbMom